LONELINESS 

 

The first day of November and over to Sunday, we remember those dearOnes who have died in the past year. Especially; But also our minds go back and think of past years.

 I have taken the subject of loneliness, which causes a kind of mental illness and other problems, and a great deal of unhappiness with breakdown, with medication becoming necessary.

Loneliness happens in varying degrees, much depending on why one is lonely.  A temporary absence of friends,  illness, fear of going out.    In recent times,  loneliness has become very prevalent, with the pandemic forcing many people, especially the older age groups, to remain in their homes for months to avoid catching the virus. I know the medical profession has had to deal with a rising number of people incurring mental disturbance because of living alone.

It was never God’s intention for people to have to face loneliness.  The Bible. has shown how  important it is for people to be with another; separations and being out of touch with people was to be avoided.

 In the creation story, God said after creating man, that it was not good for man to be alone, so he created woman to be his companion, so making the perfect partnership.

In Hebrews, the writer called for Christians to be with each other, and the well-known saying became well known, ‘no man is an island’.  Dwight L Moody, a famous American preacher, encouraging a young man to be with other Christians, used an illustration of a piece of coal falling from a fire and dropping on a stone plate, where it stopped burning.  People can burn out if left for long period.

A most regular cause, is after the loss of a wife or husband, when you are left in isolation, with a feeling of solitary confinement, where every minute seems like an hour. When two people commit their lives to each other at a young age, and live with dependence on each other for many years, the loss cannot fully be described.  Only by experience can the hurt be understood.

We all know life has to end, but no one can anticipate the profound feeling and effect on the remaining partner.

It has been so often said, the grief will pass with time, memories and friends will help.  This is nonsense; memories may bring soe relief, but they can also emphasise the loss, and from experience over many years, I have foundfriends have a habit of disappearing.

 No words can adequately describe what it is like, half of one’s own life goes too;  the loss of any family members can be greatly felt, but none I believe can equate with the loss of a wife or husband if the initial love is still existing.  My experience as a Minister, is that women usually face the loss  better than men, but may have more hardship in daily life, as often there is financial loss is greater.

I cannot imagine the feeling of divorcees, when the separation involves a breaking of vows, and you know the other partner is alive, but you are deprived of their presence. There must surely be feelings of betrayal and desertion, and in such cases women are the more likely to feel the effect in middle class families. The words of Henry Ford, the motor magnate, are so wise.  Asked how he managed to have such a long and happy marriage, he is quoted as saying, like with a car, keep the same model.

Yet again, men are more prone to wander away, and even in equally faulty circumstances, the wife  is left to fend on her own with reduced finance, sense of betrayal, and coping with the children.

Young people becoming University students, and leaving the protection and comfort of living with a family to go and live alone,  problems arise when sometimes dubious circumstances arise in a city, distant from their own. I have seen my own children and grandchildren having to live in student accommodation which was so different from home. In one case, the accommodation was deplorable, made worse perhaps by the fact that some young people are not use to cleanliness and hygiene, and if prisoners were housed in public prisons of similar type, there would be an outcry. 

Problems arise, when in desperation of loneliness and new environment, they are vulnerable to the vultures tempting them with drugs, alcohol, and unfitting sexual contacts.

Whatever the cause of loneliness, Christians can get encouragement from knowing they can call on God who stated, ‘I will never leave nor forsake you’.  He promised would not leave anyone who called on him, because of the death of Jesus on the Cross, who in that loneliness died to gain forgiveness for us, and so made us righteous in God’s sight to  give us salvation.

Jesus stated, come to me all ye who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.

Remember too, the long list of people in the Bible from Abraham, the prophets, David the king of Israel, to Paul who spent time of loneliness in a Roman prison, which he eloquently expressed in his very last Letter to Timothy before being executed; to Peter and other Apostles. 

Most of all to Jesus, who stood alone on the Cross for you and me, even calling out to God as he faced the walk to the Cross, but was ready to obey God and continued to do what God had planned.

There are numerous things you can do to ease feelings of distress in your loneliness. You can keep a loving photo of that lost wife or husband, and think what you would say if he/she was there.  Keep a chair or a favourite possession nearby, and think of all the happy times. People will tell you things will get better as time goes on, but don’t be sure of that.

 

Having spent a life-time dealing with people, and facing reality, the words fidelity, loyalty, trust, love, and tolerance,  I know to a great extent, a very great extent, lost their traditional meaning. What makes it worse, is that people are not feeling any guilt. 

True love will not fade, but you need to get involved in some activity.  Visit your local Church where you will make friends. You can always ask God to help you.

I close with something uplifting.  The Bible tells that for when husband and wife are true Christians, (the essential word is true, and not just those who give an occasional thought,) leave this earthly life, God has promised that for you, a day will come when you will be lifted into heaven and see that precious wife/husband,  you have missed so much, and resume the love you always had.

We give thanks to God for His care for us and those we love.

 

May God’s Holy Name be Praised and may He be Glorified.